When someone asks you to do something, how do you respond?
Everyone falls somewhere on the spectrums between being strong-willed or weak-willed and being rebellious or obedient. In our culture, we tend to see rebelliousness and a strong will as interchangeable, but they actually represent different ways of being in the world.
The strong will or weak will comes from the internal drive—how closely connected and committed you are to your core values. How compelled you feel to act (or not act) on a request depends on two things: how the request lines up with your personal core values, and how strong your will is. If a request is closely aligned with your values, you won’t have much trouble executing it. But in a case where something doesn’t line up with your values, where you fall on the strong-will/weak-will spectrum will affect your commitment: the stronger your will, the more initial resistance you’ll have to doing it, and vice versa.
Some people hear the words rebellious and obedient in church, and they seem like terms that are a little antiquated. But they still have relevance, and in a secular context, too. I find it helpful to think of the key distinction between rebelliousness and obedience as this: how well can you listen? If you’re rebellious, you’re apt to ignore the input of others so that you can do things the way you want to do them. Sometimes this pays off, but at least as often you put your pride first and wind up cutting off your nose to spite your face. If you’re obedient, it doesn’t mean you’ll always do what someone else wants, but it does mean you have the humility to recognize that you’re not always right, so it’s worthwhile to listen to and consider outside input. (Proverbs 11:14 explains this perfectly: “Where there is no guidance the people fall, But in abundance of counselors there is victory.”)
Think of it like this. If someone is:
Weak Willed and Obedient they’re likely to be an emotional doormat. They’ll willingly take input from others, but if they decide they disagree, they won’t have the strength of will to make the oppositional choice they think is right.
Weak Willed and Rebellious they’re probably passive aggressive. They lack the will to openly stand up for their own choices, but they also won’t really listen to anyone else’s perspective. In other words, they’ll say they’re listening, but they really won’t, and then they’ll just do whatever they want to do.
Strong Willed and Rebellious everything is their way or the highway. They’re like a steamroller–no matter what the situation is, they’re going to do whatever they want. They have no interest in listening to anyone else, even when they risk hurting themselves by not considering other views.
Strong Willed and Obedient they’re probably pretty sane and well-adjusted. (Okay, that might be a leap, but the point is we’re often much better at complaining about problems than discussing solutions.) This kind of person will accept outside counsel, but they’ll ultimately make the choice that aligns best with their values, whether that means taking they advice they’re given or rejecting it.
The better you can see where your colleagues, employees, or personal relationships fall on these spectrums, the more alert you’ll be for communication breakdowns and conflict trigger points.
Where do you think you fall on the two spectrums? Thinking about which category they fall closest to, is there someone you’ll approach differently the next time you have a decision that involves them?
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