Today we’ll take on the topic of opportunity cost and knowing which people, opportunities and businesses are the right fit for you.
The Opportunity Cost of Conflict
At one point I was personally in the midst of some pretty serious conflict with a friend who owed me a debt which was potentially not going to be fulfilled. I wasn’t sure how everything would turn out, and I was talking with a friend of mine about the situation. My friend said to me, “Wendy, you had better not let this go! You know, you always let so many things go that I would never just let go.” So I turned to her and replied, “The reason I let go of things is not because I’m altruistic, it’s because I understand the opportunity cost and I’m not willing to pay it.”
Just to be clear, I am not talking about letting go of relationships, or leaving a relationship unreconciled – I am always willing to fight to make things right with a relationship! What I am talking about are certain conflicts where someone has wronged me or owes me, and the conflict’s outcome is not central to the relationship continuing.
Okay, back to opportunity cost! Early in life I realized that the principle of opportunity cost doesn’t just apply to business situations. The principle of opportunity cost motivates me to let certain conflicts go, because I know that they will cost me more emotional energy and time than they are worth. I am a huge proponent of following up and following through, but there are some situations where the energy and time it would take to do so are just not worth it. Sometimes life is a little like going blueberry picking…
In the Blueberry Patch of Life
Years ago I went blueberry picking with a friend of mine. There was this acre of massive blueberry bushes we had heard about that was on a for-sale property, and the realtors had told us we could pick as many blueberries as we wanted (blueberry lovers rejoice!). So my friend and I set out with our little buckets and we picked and picked and picked.
Soon my bucket was overflowing with beautiful, ripe berries, but when I found my friend I saw that his bucket was only half full. “What’s going on here?” I thought, “there’s no way I’m that fast!”
As it turned out, my friend had stayed at one bush the entire time, and had picked all of its berries! His half-full bucket didn’t just have blue blueberries, it was full of sour, unripe pink and green berries too! Instead of devoting all my time to one blueberry bush, I had gone around to as many bushes as I could, and picked only the best, ripe fruit. I was committed to getting the berries that were ripe for me, and leaving the other fruit for someone else.
Over the years I’ve come to identify my experience with the blueberry patch as an allegory for the opportunities that I’ve encountered in life. Each blueberry bush you encounter is an opportunity, and opportunities can show up as a person, an experience, a business, or any other number of things.
Sometimes we can get hung up on sticking with one blueberry bush, and get focused on picking all of its berries even when the fruit isn’t ripe for us. The cost of picking unripe fruit is an impact on productivity (because you’re missing out on all the good fruit on the bush next to you), and also quality (because you’re adding sub-standard fruit to your basket). It’s not worth your time, and it actually deprives someone else of the good fruit they could have had if you’d just left it to ripen.
Other times we lay claim to a bush with ripe fruit and then someone else decides that the bush is really theirs to pick. Sometimes it’s worth the time to stay and sort things out, and sometimes it’s not. We think to ourselves “that fruit should have been mine!” Maybe it should have been, and maybe it’s worth the fight, but when it’s not worth the fight we have to learn to let go. Learning to let go can be as challenging as learning to hold fast.
The Provision of Many Trees
My experience with the blueberry patch all those years ago has been a great help to me as I’ve learned to let go of bitterness and un-forgiveness. Holding on to bitterness and unforgiveness is like demanding to get all the blueberries from one tree, and feeling like it is unjust or unfair if you’re not able to get every last berry. It’s the “those berries should have been mine!” mentality.
The truth is that my life, and your life, is dependent not on one tree but on a whole field. Technically there will always be other blueberries you could have gotten off of the tree, but if you spend time focusing on what you don’t have, it detracts from the time you have to pursue what other trees have to offer.
I don’t have to try and “extract” everything I could of or should have had from an opportunity. I can let go of those expectations and enjoy the fruit of that tree, because I can trust there will be other trees (other people, other experiences, other businesses, other opportunities).
The Lord has provision for me. If you think that you only have one tree to go to, then you are in trouble. I believe the process of healing is a process of trusting the Lord’s provision, and aligning your expectations properly. Putting wrong demands or expectations on one person, situation, business, or what have you, is destructive both for you and the object of your expectations. (Read more about this idea as it pertains to people in my posts on having multiple mentors here and here).
Growing the Patch
So here I am, committed to going from tree to tree to get the berries that are right for me, and leaving behind what’s meant for others. And I don’t just want to pick ripe fruit, I want to grow it too! I want to build what God’s called me to build. Sometimes we devote all our focus to growing one blueberry bush, when we are really called to grow a whole patch. It’s my dream to have a whole field of growth, that I can have the discipline to keep what’s ripe for me, and to bless others with the opportunities that are ripe for them too.
So to all y’all just trying to make it in the blueberry patch of life – I wish you happy picking, and happy growing too!
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